Crime

Domestic abuse victims explains difficulty leaving abusive partner

Published

1 year ago

December 18, 2023

A WOMAN who suffered years of emotional control and physical assaults at the hands of her partner has opened up about the difficulty of leaving an abusive relationship.

While it can be easy for those on the outside to ask ‘why don’t you just leave’, there are often fears around housing, money, or the impact leaving might have on children. And as Jess explains, someone who has been abused might still have a form of connection with their abuser, or has been manipulated into thinking they have changed.

Jess has spoken out about three years of emotional and physical abuse as part of Dyfed-Powys Police’s winter campaign, which aims to empower those living with domestic abuse, stalking or harassment to report incidents and find support.

When Jess started a relationship with her ex-partner, she admits there were early – if subtle – signs of abusive behaviour, which stemmed from his jealousy. While friends picked up on these behaviours, Jess would be told by her partner that they were ‘interfering’.

“He always convinced me that he was just emotional due to the strength of his feelings for me and that he obviously didn’t mean the nastier things he said under the influence of alcohol,” she said.

“My friends tried to tell me the relationship could have been considered abusive, but I was deeply in denial.”

Over time, the abuse Jess faced escalated. She was called derogatory names, emotionally controlled, and was repeatedly accused of being unfaithful. If she spent time away from home, her partner wanted constant contact.

“Time spent with friends would always result in abuse when I went back home, so there were times when I decided that it wasn’t worth it,” she said.

“He would constantly question me on what I was doing and my feelings towards him, he went through my phone behind my back, read my diary and would use entries from the past against me.

“For some months, despite his emotionally abusive behaviour, I always believed he would never physically hurt me.”

The emotional abuse did lead to physical assaults, however, and Jess was subject to attacks and threats. Following one incident she took the brave step in calling Dyfed-Powys Police after fleeing with her phone.

“For once I had physical evidence in the form of a cut, so I thought I would be taken more seriously, rather than it being just his word against mine,” she said. “Until then I had always felt as though anything within my relationship was my own mess to sort out.”

Jess learned that she had been the victim of domestic abuse in the form of controlling and coercive behaviour for two years.

“I was surprised when the police said I’d described one of the more serious situations of domestic abuse they’d ever encountered, based on just how much I’d come to accept as normal,” she said.

“Up to this point I had felt embarrassed for involving the police and assumed they’d dismiss it because I didn’t have serious physical injuries.”

Jess’s abuser was arrested and charged with assault.

Despite this, she was manipulated into restarting their relationship a few short months later, with promises that he had changed. However, she suffered another year of abuse before calling it off once more.

While they are now separated, and Jess knows he poses a danger to her, she fears she might never be free from him.

“I feel massively emotionally affected and traumatised by our time together,” she said.

“He’s still contacting me on a daily basis trying to win me back. I’d rather have no contact with him at all, but he keeps talking me round to it. I respond to this because part of me has been conditioned to please him to avoid the abuse.

“Sometimes I fear I will never truly escape him – and that my remaining friends will abandon me to this fate.”

While Jess appreciates how difficult it is to speak out, she hopes that reading her story might be the push someone needs to seek help.

“I always liked to think of myself as a strong, intelligent, independent woman and never imagined I would find myself in this sort of situation, but it really can happen to anyone,” she said.

“It’s not your fault. The only person who should feel shame in an abusive relationship is the abuser.”

If any of Jess’s story resonates with you, or you need to report domestic abuse, stalking or harassment, you can contact Dyfed-Powys Police in the following ways:

Report online: https://bit.ly/DPPContactOnline
Email: [email protected]

Call: 101

If you are deaf, hard of hearing, or speech impaired text the non-emergency number on 07811 311 908
In an emergency, always call 999.

If you feel you need support in contacting police, there are organisations that can help you. Click here to find them, or search online for Live Fear Free, Women’s Aid or the National Stalking Helpline – all of which have free helplines available.

Crime

Haverfordwest man given restraining order for stalking ex

Published

3 hours ago

December 23, 2024

Sarah-Jane Absalom

A HAVERFORDWEST man who had difficulty coming to terms with the end of his marriage has appeared before magistrates where he pleaded guilty to stalking his former wife.

Terry Mochan and his wife, Carol, separated in January 2024, but three months later, Ms Mochan found herself being harassed and intimidated by her former husband.

The first incident took place on April 13 when Mochan, 25, of St Issells Avenue, Merlins Bridge, Haverfordwest, raised his middle finger at his wife in a public place, and shouted at her.

Three days later Mrs Mochan noticed that her ex-husband was following her through Haverfordwest town centre.

“He was driving very closely behind her in his van,” Crown Prosecutor Sian Vaughan told Haverfordwest Magistrates this week.

In a victim impact statement that was read to the court, Mrs Mochan said both incidents have had a profound effect on her self-confidence.

“She’s now concerned, whenever she’s driving through town, that the defendant will be following her,” said Ms Vaughan. “It’s having an impact on her life and she’s concerned that he’ll attend her property.”

Mr Mochan was represented by solicitor Mr Gavin Rofer who said the defendant has no previous convictions.

“Both incidents were the result of the breakdown of their marriage,” he said. “But since April 16 there have been no further incidents.”

After considering the mitigation, magistrates fined Mochan £180 and ordered him to pay £325 court costs and a £72 surcharge. A 12 month restraining order was imposed, preventing him from having any contact with Carol Mochan.

Crime

Hostel resident brandished knife after seizure fears ignored

Published

3 hours ago

December 23, 2024

Sarah-Jane Absalom

WHEN hostel resident Andrew Finan feared he was suffering a seizure, he attempted to contact the hostel’s support worker for help.

But when she failed to answer his calls, Finan walked up to the hostel’s CCTV camera, shouting angrily and brandishing a large kitchen knife.

“He’s been at the hostel since August, but he’s hard work,” Crown Prosecutor Sian Vaughan told Haverfordwest magistrates this week.

“He has various mental health issues and the staff have difficulty controlling him.”

Incident captured on CCTV

The incident took place in the early hours of December 22 at the Furnace Bank Hostel, Carmarthen.

“The CCTV covers the hostel, and the defendant was shouting angrily directly at the camera and holding a large kitchen knife in his hand,” said Ms Vaughan.

The support worker on duty at the time heard Finan shouting, “I’m sick of you, you b*******,” before turning away and going upstairs to his room.

Support worker left shaken

“I found the incident scary,” the support worker said in a victim impact statement. “His behaviour is erratic and unpredictable, and he scares me. I don’t know what to expect from him from day to day. Waving the knife around and directing it at me was extremely worrying.”

Defence cites frustration

But Finan’s solicitor, Fenn Richards, said his actions were the result of frustration at being ignored by staff.

“He believed he was going to have a seizure, as he’s had five brain bleeds in the past as a result of an assault,” she said.

“He tried to get the staff’s attention, but they didn’t answer the door, and the only way he could get their attention was to stand in front of the camera.”

Sentencing next month

Finan pleaded guilty to a charge of possessing an offensive weapon in a public place. Sentencing was adjourned to January 14 to allow a probation report to be prepared. Finan was released on conditional bail, with conditions including reporting twice a week to Carmarthen police station, not visiting the Furnace Bank Hostel, and having no contact with the support worker.

Crime

Local troublemaker back in prison 24 hours after release for Christmas

Published

3 hours ago

December 23, 2024

Sarah Jane Absalom

TWENTY-FOUR hours after being released from prison, a Pembrokeshire man found himself back behind bars for Christmas.

Mark Ion, 53, was sent back to HM Parc Prison, Bridgend, this week after breaching a protection order against his victim and spitting and making head-butting gestures towards two police officers.

Ion was arrested on December 20, just one day after his release from Parc Prison.

A protection order, imposed by Haverfordwest magistrates on December 10, prevented him from having any direct or indirect contact with a female victim living in Haverfordwest. However, on December 20, Ion was found at her property.

When police arrived, Ion, of Colley Court, Monkton, became verbally abusive and assaulted two officers. He spat at one officer—making no contact—and made a head-butting gesture towards another. Officers also discovered he was in possession of 3.5 grams of amphetamine and 1.5 grams of cannabis.

Ion appeared before Haverfordwest magistrates this week via video link from Parc Prison. He pleaded guilty to two charges of possession of Class B drugs, two charges of assaulting an emergency worker, breaching an interim stalking order, and failing to comply with a post-sentence supervision order. The failure involved being verbally abusive to a probation officer while highly intoxicated shortly after his release.

His solicitor, Tom Lloyd, told the court that despite Ion’s behaviour on December 20, he had displayed no violence towards the police officers or the female victim.

“He has significant mental health and substance misuse issues that he’s struggled with for many years,” said Mr Lloyd. “He’s schizophrenic and relies on heavy medication, but after his release, he consumed alcohol immediately, feeling excited about his freedom.