Crime
Mum’s effort to rebuild her and her children’s lives after leaving controlling partner
- Having courage to leave an abusive relationship can lead to a new life
A VICTIM of controlling and coercive behaviour has offered this advice to anyone living with domestic abuse as she works to rebuild her and her children’s lives.
She has bravely shared her experiences as part of Dyfed-Powys Police’s winter campaign, which aims to speak to people affected by domestic abuse, stalking and harassment, empowering them to report incidents, and offering means to find support.
For Sarah*, there were warning signs that something wasn’t right in her marriage. But like many others, she had been manipulated into believing her husband’s behaviour towards her was normal.
In reality, he was coercively controlling her. That means he was using threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse to harm, punish, or frighten her.
These are behaviours perpetrators use to isolate victims from support, deprive them of independence and control their everyday lives.
“What I’ve learned is that it doesn’t need to be extreme behaviour for it to have the effect it does,” Sarah said. “He never physically hurt me, but he is a very strong man, and I knew he could have.
“He controlled me, manipulated me, made me feel and look worthless in front of my children and family. I was gaslit and brainwashed, and living a deluded life.”
Sarah explained that one of her friends witnessed some behaviour that made her suspect it was abusive, and sent messages with links to places she could find support. This intervention prompted her to take action, and she fled the family home with her children
“My friend told me she thought it was domestic abuse and that it wouldn’t be long until I left him,” she said. “A few days later, we were out.
“I think I had known for some time, but I didn’t have the support of my family. If I did raise concerns I was told ‘oh it’s fine’ because they don’t see the emotional abuse. It’s partly because of the way I was brought up that I ended up with someone like him. I had to shut up and put up with it.
“But because somebody else validated it, it was like a light had been shone on the situation.”
After spending time in a women’s refuge, Sarah found a new home and is now rebuilding their lives.
However, as her ex-husband has contact with their children, she says she can never truly relax knowing he is still present in their lives.
“It’s hyper vigilance,” she said. “It’s emotionally and physically draining, and it’s not something you can sustain.
“It’s affected every area of my life. My finances, my housing, my emotional health, my children’s mental health, my work. Because of the brainwashing and the delusion, it’s taken me a long time to work out how to have safe relationships. Even with friends, it takes a long time to believe they truly want to spend time with me.
“You have to look for safe people – but you have to learn to trust yourself first. What he did to me was degrading and dehumanising. Looking back, I wonder how I could possibly have thought I could change him. The only person I could change was myself, and I’m doing that now.”
If any of Sarah’s story resonates with you, or you need to report domestic abuse, stalking or harassment, you can contact Dyfed-Powys Police in the following ways:
• Report online: https://bit.ly/DPPContactOnline
• Email: [email protected]
• Call: 101
• If you are deaf, hard of hearing, or speech impaired text the non-emergency number on 07811 311 908
In an emergency, always call 999.
*If you feel you need support in contacting police, there are organisations that can help you. Click here to find them, or search online for Live Fear Free or Women’s Aid – both have free helplines available.
Community
Only three anti-social behaviour warnings in Haverfordwest in two years
DESCRIBED as a “waste of taxpayers’ money”, a protection order introduced in the centre of Haverfordwest to tackle antisocial behaviour has been “an unnecessary tool” which only resulted in three warnings in two years.
Prior to its backing in mid-2022, a plan to introduce a Public Spaces Protection Order (PSPO) in Haverfordwest town centre had been under discussion for some time, with a public consultation on the matter, as well as previous debates by Pembrokeshire County Council.
The proposals were brought by the town’s then five county councillors, initially prompted by anti-social behaviour and drinking issues at the skate park but later expanded to a large part of the town centre, and were developed in partnership with Dyfed-Powys Police.
Claims had previously been made that “gangs of feral children are roaming around town”, with members of the public subject to verbal and physical abuse in Haverfordwest, and a “criminal element” dealing drugs in the town.
The PSPO gives police and PCSOs additional powers for three years to issue a fixed penalty notice of £100 if someone fails to comply with a request to cease consumption of intoxicating substances in a designated area.
At the time, Cllr Jacob Williams said on “civil liberties grounds” he was shocked to see what was being proposed.
“I think this is way over the top and not a proportionate response,” he said.
The PSPO area includes the Withybush retail area, the river alongside Morrisons, Barn Street, Horsefair roundabout, Rifleman Field, skatepark, Fortunes Frolic and out to the train station.
The December meeting of Pembrokeshire County Council received a submitted question by Independent Group leader Cllr Huw Murphy, who had opposed the scheme.
“At full council on July 14, 2022 a decision was made to implement a Public Space Protection Order (PSPO) within certain areas of Haverfordwest.
“A Partnership Panel held on May 23, 2024, received confirmation that since this PSPO was implemented there have been no prosecutions or fixed penalties issued. There was a cost implication in implementing this PSPO for PCC, money that we can ill afford to spend when ample legislation exists for dealing with antisocial behaviour.
“Therefore, can it be agreed that in future such applications are given greater scrutiny to avoid further waste of taxpayers’ money and what actually reduces antisocial behaviour is increased pro-active policing not more legislation?”
Responding to Cllr Murphy’s question Cllr Williams, now Cabinet Member for Planning & Regulatory Services, said he agreed with the questioner.
“Cllr Murphy and I were among several who opposed this introduction, among the things I said was I was aghast at this proposal which had snowballed; I would’ve been in support around the skate park rather than the town.”
He added: “The way the council was proceeding was not justified and I voted against it; as Cllr Murphy’s question states there have been no prosecutions, but on three occasions police have warned people about offences.”
Cllr Williams said any potential renewing of the order – up for review next year – would go to scrutiny committee before coming before council, “should there be an appetite for this PSPO to be renewed”.
He concluded: “It could be argued there’s no prosecutions so it’s worked; but only three persons have been warned [by police], I think that paints a story that it was probably not only was not a success but probably a tool that was not necessary.”
Crime
Soldier caught drink-driving nearly three times over the limit
A SERVING soldier has admitted driving when he was almost three times over the legal drink-drive limit.
Alfred Kempton, 26, was observed by officers ‘swerving all over the road’ as he drove a white Renault Kangoo at Pelcomb Bridge, Haverfordwest, just after 10:30pm on November 30.
When officers stopped the vehicle, they discovered Kempton’s eyes were glazed and there was a strong smell of alcohol. A roadside breath test proved positive, and subsequent tests at the police station revealed he had 102 mcg of alcohol in 100 ml of breath. The legal limit is 35.
Crown Prosecutor Nia James described the reading as “very high.”
Kempton’s solicitor, David Williams, urged magistrates to refrain from imposing a community order, warning that it would result in Kempton’s dismissal from the army.
“He is one of only four people in his entire squadron with expertise in electronic warfare and signal intelligence,” said Mr Williams, adding that Kempton’s position was supported by two senior army officers who attended court.
Magistrates fined Kempton £1,141, ordered him to pay a £456 court surcharge and £85 costs, and disqualified him from driving for 24 months.
“This is a very high reading, and if it happens again, you will not be so lucky,” said the presiding magistrate. “You are now classified as a high-risk offender.”
Crime
Man jailed for stalking ex-partner with unwanted letters
A MAN who repeatedly contacted his ex-partner, despite being told their relationship was over, has been sentenced for stalking.
John McMichael, 36, pleaded guilty before Haverfordwest magistrates to stalking his ex-partner over a six-month period.
Crown Prosecutor Nia James told the court that McMichael’s relationship with his ex ended in February due to violent behaviour and substance abuse issues.
Despite being told not to contact her, McMichael sent handwritten letters to her from prison between May and November. In a victim impact statement, the woman said: “Knowing that he is out is really frightening me… I just want him to leave me alone.”
McMichael’s solicitor, Jess Hill, argued the letters were not threatening but admitted his actions caused distress.
Magistrates sentenced McMichael to a 24-month Community Order with 30 rehabilitation activity days and 150 hours of unpaid work. He must also pay a £114 court surcharge and £85 costs. A two-year restraining order was imposed, prohibiting him from any direct or indirect contact with his ex-partner.
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